Tempest Within
by shinizero
Summary: Drabble Of the storms without and the storms withinand how Kaidoh can't control either. Angst, shounen ai InuKaiKaiInu and KaiMomo ishness.


Title: Tempest Within  
Author: Di  
Pairings: Implied InuKai/KaiInu/KaiMomo  
Rating: G  
Warnings: Angstish. If I had my druthers, I'd use this to lead up to InuMomoKai.  
Notes: Posted to my LJ and such some time back--just wanted to archive/post it here, too, finally.

..........

Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. It showed in his life; in how he made sure the things around him were just so, in how he made sure he went through the events of life in just a certain way, in how he did all he did properly and with an eye to the right' way and to tradition. And it showed in his tennis; in how he handled the ball, in how he forced his opponents handle the ball--his shots went where he wanted them, to be returned (or not) where he would be ready for them. The boomerang snake shot was one example of this, driving his opponents tire themselves out was another.

Kaidoh Kaoru liked control. And he did not like _not_ being in control.

He couldn't quite remember when it had all started going wrong, when the control he was crafting over his life had started cracking and shattering and falling to pieces. Perhaps it was a bit when Echizen Ryoma had first showed up and defeated Kaidoh so damned thoroughly. But, no, in the end, Kaidoh had adapted to the wild change brought about to himself--to all of Seigaku--by the cocky brat; he had grown, become stronger because of the loss. And so he did not think that had truly brought about a loss of control, but in fact a gain in it.

No, it was after that. When he abruptly realized that his sempai was...looking at him. Watching him. And not for data. In....that way. That was like the pebble that launched an avalanche. Because Kaidoh soon realized that he...he was watching...**_back_**. And he couldn't stop himself. No matter what he said to himself, no matter what he thought, no matter how hard he trained or how much discipline he exerted over himself, he couldn't stop himself watching. Couldn't stop himself growing fascinated. Couldn't stop himself...feeling.

And he'd lost control over the most dangerous thing of all. Emotion.

And that on its own, to have allowed that one breach in his defenses, was bad enough. But now...it was happening again. With no lessening in what was drawing him to Inui-sempai, no weakening in what was making him...want and...need things from the older youth, ...it was happening again. With the last person in the world he would have ever, ever wanted to feel such things for.

His rival. The person he'd...he'd hated. The one who drove him insane (while also driving him onto go farther, to go faster, to be stronger, to become _more_). The idiot, the slacker, the...

...one of the most determined, persistent, strong people he knew. Who could act like a moron one minute, then achieve near impossible feats when he applied himself a moment later. Who, like Inui-sempai, like himself, had faced defeat, then picked himself up, gritted his teeth, and through dedication and force of will trained until he practically bled to regain that which he'd let slip from his grasp.

And who Kaidoh could never, **_ever_** allow to know about his loss of control. Who could not be permitted to see that there was even the smallest crack in the wall around Kaidoh Kaoru. Just like with Inui-sempai, he would not, **_could not_** let Momoshiro Takeshi discover that Kaidoh Kaoru was no longer strong. Was no longer in control. Was, in fact, weak, out of control, puppet to his emotions. To feelings. For them.

Chest heaving, his breathing harsh, hoarse, and raw, muscles burning (like his throat from the scream he kept locked inside), Kaidoh squeezed his eyes shut and arched his face against the driving rain. All around him the storm raged huge, with stretching forked lightning and roaring thunder that shuddered through the heavens and wind that tore fierce as wolves at him; as immense as he was small, its majesty mocked him for how weak, powerless, and pathetic he was. Then suddenly, as abruptly as he'd stopped, Kaidoh started running again, running faster, running harder, fists clenched achingly hard as if that could magically restrain the feelings that raged free and wild like the storm within him. As if that could somehow finally contain the wild emotions. Control them. Make them go away.

Above Kaidoh, the lightning and thunder roared laughter at his crumbling. Around him, the wind jeered to see him weak. And all over him, the rain painted his skin with the cold tears he would never, ever allow himself to shed.

Because Kaidoh Kaoru liked control.


End file.
